Hello...yes, you.. right here..with me... yes you!!! The one who won't leave me alone.. you know who you are... como te llamo? You are Insomnia!You are my friend... you have been for years... I mean sometimes you leave me for a bit... but you always seem to find me again.You know... I have a lovehate relationship with you. You just don't leave me the $*&# alone sometimes.. yet you do give me all sorts of ideas... I think I'm going to use you. Just like you use me as a friend... that you smother.
Tonight, I think of tomorrow. Tonight I think of yesterday and all the yesterdays that were behind it. Tonight I am reminded that have lived a good life so far. Tonight I have kept in mind that those things I think about that are depressing to one, are only, and should be, just a symbol for me to reflect upon and remain content. I remember good times in distant places. Times when I was free from home, old friends, burdens, and a society that constrained me. I remember walking the streets with bottle in hand and new found friends to form a family with. I remember the waters that salted my wounds and the suns that tanned my back. I remember a language, not my own, that I could understand and be understood. I recall a time when my eyes were opened and I discovered what I wanted in life. What career... what path... where to go... and who to love. All symbols for me to reflect upon and to look forward to now in the present. I miss them.
Insomnia you remind me of these things. This time I have alone with you allows me to reflect and be tormented. Yet, I am thankful. Sometimes I think I could not really understand the past without you!
I know I need to travel the world. If I don't have something to look forward to within half a year... I will be and remain depressed. I am restless. I am composed. I lay in bed, but my spine does not want to sleep. It is the demagogue of my body, pushing it all to get up and leave this lonely room to itself and to explore what I have not found. It pushes me out of these buildings. It pushes me to the computer.. to the applications I have not filled.
I know I have friends and family here.. a lot! But I cannot help but feel the need to get away. This is because I know I will see them again. But the others... from the past. From the oceans and the streets holding bottles. Them I worry I will never see again.
Insomnia... you make me think about all of this and I do not get bored here while I type. This strand of thought was composed by me but motivated by you. You are my inspiration. But you are also the barrier between me and my other friend named sleep... You whore.
You make me want to say something very important...
Pura Vida
